I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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