Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
