The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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