ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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