I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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