Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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