did you get engaged???
Your dad touched me again.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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