I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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