just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
