Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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