What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
