Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
