hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
