My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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