I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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