I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
