I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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