Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
