I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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