sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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