Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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