This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dicks are not precious.
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