if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
