You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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