he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
