I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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