FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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