That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
