5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
