I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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