thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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