That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
