she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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