Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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