I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
