oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
