Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
