I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I need moral support for this bender
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
