Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
