question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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