Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Randomize
