Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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