You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
