Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
