Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
