I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
time to smoke my breakfast
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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