Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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