the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
