The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
