NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
