Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I wish I only lived at night.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
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He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
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Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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