At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
