I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
