If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
