Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Can I color on your dick again?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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