i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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