I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
