I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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