Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
