I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
