Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
