I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
