Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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