You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
